Orcs

Titan - Gornak Elfeater

Click Gornak Elfeater to hear him speak

Gornak is the Orcish Titan. He is unique amongst the Orcs, being half Orc and half Troll. This has worked in his favor in many ways, making him quick to regenerate like a Troll, and even providing him with a measure of eternal youth (Gornak is well over 2000 years old). Gornak first came to prominence as an Orcish Warlord who raided the High Elven citadels of the Northern Tundra with a genocidal frenzy. A calamity was only narrowly averted by the Elven Mages who turned Gornak's army back at the last minute. Gornak Elfeater received his name when he tortured a group of captive Elves by devouring them one at a time in front of their companions. Many Elves still fear him to this very day.

Race

Ironbar suffered the usual rejection from a world that both hates and fears Orcs. Skin ‘too green’ for hero school. Tusks ‘too big’ for acting school. Talons ‘would get in the way’ of hairdressing. Crushed by the cruelty of a heartless world, Ironbar turned to music (and violence) and would often jot down songs, or write his moving sonnets, by the light of burning orphanages. Since razing a building contributes 100 Stone to an Orcish side’s resources, a burning orphanage is a win-win situation, and a cheap price to pay for such great art.

Orcs require mostly Gold and Stone, though there is also a need for Metal and even Crystal for their more exotic creations. If Orcs acquire surplus crystal, they coat it in poison and leave it where they think Elves will find it. Contrary to their stereotype, Orcs have a reasonably complicated research tree, and their now widely imitated ‘grunge’ style of architecture and dress was simply way ahead of its time.

Pros: Good at rushing, resource requirements are manageable, especially if you use the Basilisk unit to turn enemies into stone, which you may then use.

Cons: No obvious specialties, apart from rushing, can’t repair buildings, most units have poor armor and upgrades, social stigma.

To taunt an Orc: Ask him what clubs he belongs to.

To make friends with an Orc: Torch some worthy building

Motto: Don’t win their hearts and minds, eat them.

Kobolds:

What the Kobolds want to know is, since they’re bigger than Goblins, how come they don’t get to boss them around? Sorry, Kobolds, but despite what you may have been told, size isn’t everything. You also need combat ability, armor and speed, all qualities conspicuously absent in a Kobold. So it may be a man’s life in the Orcish Army, but most Kobolds will spend it down the pits.

Goblins:

So what can a Goblin do? On its own, it can either stay at home and boss Kobolds around, or it can seek battle and die a pointless and unlamented death. However, a bunch of Goblins, produced quickly and cheaply, will still die pointless and unlamented deaths, but they’ll take some much more expensive, and much more lamented units with them.

Orcs:

Are Orcs sensitive, thoughtful artists, who rebel only against their unwarranted persecution? Opinion is divided. All the Orcs say they are, the entire rest of the world says that they’re nasty misshapen thugs who would be better off dead. Given this, it’s just as well for the Orcs that they’re really rather good at fighting, especially against weedy missile troops like Elves. Orcs are not so good against magic, so never wear robes to an Orcish fancy dress party. Instead, research No Pain and Cowards! to see your Orcs become highly resistant to missile attacks, and doing double damage to all missile units. Then invite the Elves to an archery contest.

Wolfriders:

Wolfriders are actually the intellectuals of the Orcish side, since they alone have figured out how to get someone else to do the hard work of carrying them into battle. Being intellectuals, they have naturally turned to radical politics, and follow the revolutionary dogmas of V.I. Wargski, who was voted Etheria’s most dangerous demagogue so many times in a row that he was awarded the trophy in perpetuity.
As a result, Wolfriders often charge into battle shouting slogans such as ‘The Orcs must control (or raze) the means of Production’, and ‘The Goblins, Orcs, Ogres and all other members of the Small, Medium or Large Giant Class are the vanguard of the revolution’. Unfortunately for the Wolfriders, revolutionary fervor is no substitute for decent armor, and their zeal merely ensures high casualty levels. However, there need be no lack of replacements, and the Rabies upgrade can ensure that they do spread something other than their politics.

Ogres:

The name says it all. Ogres are another victim of a bad press. Ogres just want to get along with people, or bash them with big spiky clubs if this isn’t possible. Ogres are only possible in the first place if you research the Ogrelord skill, and you’ll definitely want to invest in the evocatively named Thump skill, which adds +10 to their damage.

Basilisks:

Basilisks are really only on the Orcish army list because the Orcs are so sentimental that they don’t have the heart to tell them to go home. They do have a fair amount of Hit Points, and very tough armor, and so can be useful at taking out towers. As a bonus, if the Basilisks do manage to kill anyone, you get 100 extra Stone, so they could come into their own in resource poor game.

Goblin Shaman:

Imagine the basic impossibility of the job of turning Goblins into disciplined troops. Now imagine the very worst, most intractable of those Goblins. What do you do with them? You could send them on suicide missions, but all Goblin missions are suicide missions. Instead, you turn them into Shamans. Now, all of a sudden, their weirdness, crazy antics and sick experiments with animals become imbued with mystical significance.
Your enemies will certainly appreciate the mystical significance of the Lightning and Berserker spells that the Shamans can deliver.

Gobshooter:

So you’ve sorted out your Goblins. Your ordinary Goblins are just crossbow fodder. Your semi-smart Goblins are Shaman. Is the job done? Of course not. You’re left with the lowest of the low, Goblins who are too stupid to dance with a pig. These are special men with a special mission. You tell them that you’ve arranged their rapid transport to the battle, and that they won’t have to walk, and then strap them into the Gobshooter. They’ll thank you for it, even as their tiny green bodies arc across the sky.
Aside from the somewhat eccentric choice of ammunition, the Gobshooter is a very useful, tough, long range missile unit, though again vulnerable to fire. Properly used, however, it should be able to kill towers and make a useful contribution to field battles as well.

Trolls:

Trolls are large, green and the bane of sheep everywhere, since they can actually use them to improve their attacks. Whilst otherwise possessing reasonable combat stats, Trolls are incredibly vulnerable to fire attacks, so there’s a long list of creatures and structures that you should try too keep your trolls away from. With that in mind, Trolls are still a very useful high strength missile unit.

Giants:

Giants are the Orcish General. They’re not too bright, so they’re just perfect for the job. They say that the size of an Orc’s club is inversely proportional to the size of his brain, and this holds true for Giants also. Their spiked maces are so large that they can hit several foes with a single strike.
They have pretty good armor for an Orcish unit, good combat and lots of hits. Giants convert things by just blocking out their sun until they switch sides.

Bats:

Bats have a hard time of it in an Orcish army, as most Orcs view them as a food source. This makes it impossible for the Orcs to upgrade Bats, since any test subjects are invariably eaten before the experiment is over. So the Orcs are left with only plain vanilla Bats, which, while tasty, are useless for anything except scouting.

Harpies:

Orcish Harpies are just as fearsome as everyone else’s Harpies. Which is just as well, as it’s hard to imagine how they could be worse, unless they had an Involuntary Spouse spell.

Dragons:

Yes, Dragons will happily work with the Orcs. Sickening isn’t it, but who’s going to complain.

Gornak Elfeater:

Gornak may not be a mental giant, but he’s a Titan, and that demands respect. He’s also figured out that while cavalry types can be first to fight, they’re also first to loot, first to eat, and first to run away if there is a temporary reverse on the battlefield. Gornak obtained the largest Basilisk that Orcish Gold could buy, and set about training it as a mount by feeding it Kobolds laced with an occasional Goblin Shaman. It was a fortunate choice, since not only is the Basilisk smarter than Gornak, but it is also most probably the only beast capable of carrying his huge bulky frame into battle.